Weddings, vows, public vs private

My wedding is in less than 4 months.  Most things, when 4 months away, don't seem to be that soon.  But weddings do.  They're like things seen through the rear view mirror.  Or maybe the opposite of that.  I never thought I would find someone who is as good a match for me as Kellianne is.  I thought I might get married again, sure maybe, but I couldn't imagine it.  That's the problem with imagination, it's really not a great guessing tool.  It can replay and remix things that have happened in the past really well, but coming up with something entirely new, not so good.  Luckily, reality's more creative than the imagination.

I'm planning a surprise honeymoon.  I'm working on another little creative project for the wedding, a surprise for guests.  And of course the website.  And the ceremony. Vows, stories, etc. And as a consequence thinking about what makes a marriage powerful, in light of all the ridiculousness about marriage and rights and religion versus the state, etc.  Marriage is traditionally a religious ritual.  But lately it's not so religious, as in our case where neither of us belongs to a church or has any particularly traditional beliefs (anymore).  So, in a way, I feel like the state is taking back the power of serious promises.  Regardless of whether or not they belong there.  It doesn't really exist anywhere else in the law that a serious promise, or oath, has much weight.  We're expected to follow laws, but we never have to promise to do that, we just are forced to.  Promises are for God, contracts are for the state, except in this case.  It's weird even before you count the fact that the state thinks it can tell people who is allowed to make the promises and who isn't.  Tax benefits and hospital visitation rights are ridiculous to be associated with it, and vice versa.

We're gonna do something interesting with the ceremony.  I want to write things, borrowing from several traditions, including pop culture... the things that make our generation unique.  Making our own meaning.  I'm trying to zero in on specifics now.  The order of saying things, about what, etc.  It's a fun constraint to come up with words in this context after having uttered words in all kinds of other contexts.  I wonder how the vows will be different due to exposure to the internet, and having a relationship that's been thoroughly documented on Flickr and LiveJournal.  Then there's the sort of guilty pleasure of indulging in the traditions of the past even if they are in a new context now.  Like wearing Converse. 

Kellianne's in NYC this week, enjoying the heat wave while we enjoy the wet and rainy wave in Seattle.  NYC is her first husband, she calls it, and I have to admit to being a little jealous of the love and the way she feels at home there.  Not because I wish her to not have a great time, but because it's something I'm not a part of.  Anyone who has never lived in NYC feels inferior in strange ways to the people that have.  And that's the charm of NYC.  It's hard work, it's something you can put on your resume, it's collecting all 7 happy meal prizes times a thousand.

I meanwhile drink wine, eat a QFC salad bar salad, and find bugs in my silly 8:36pm project while also creating new secret journals and wikis and plan strange art projects.  In the back of my head I'm tumbling over the meanings of powerful words, like last names, like businesses, like friendships.  Is it any big surprise that a few entangled comments can trigger strong emotions that cascade through my moods for hours?  But this is what I think about all the time, emotional triggers, self-medications, etc.  Of course thinking about something has nothing to do with becoming immune to it.  Contraywise even.

I'm confused about this space.  There are so many things to write about.  The opposite of the blank slate, my life is packed full of slate, on slate, sandwiched between slate and state, etc.  I wish I could create a symbol for each element, write a complex equation, and post the result.  Displaying the power of it all without the details.  That's not a good writerly spirit though. 

Still testing the waters.  I do like it over here on Vox.  It's a bit quiet, but it's well designed and it's full of potential.  Straight from my 3rd grade report card.